Published on Thursday, July 3, 2008 by The Wiscasset Newspaper (Maine)
The Darkness of This House Has Got the Best of Usby Christopher CooperI’m thinking old Mike Ahmadinejad may not be such a bad guy. I call him Mike (which he might not appreciate, either in its overfamiliarity or because his name is actually Mahmoud), because Mahmoud is hard for me to pronounce well, and because it seems reasonable to me that Michael just might be its English equivalent. And I wouldn’t mind if he were to call me some Iranian homophonic near-equivalent of my name, especially considering its obvious son-of-God derivation. I’d just hope it didn’t have any of those raspy, back-of-the-throat components they seem to like over there.
We do share a contempt for George W. Bush, which should be a good foundation for a relationship. And he always seems to wear a nice button-front shirt with a collar — no baggy sweatshirts, Arizona real estate developer golf shirts, or shapeless, unisex Middle-Eastern sack dresses. I like that. He seems neat and clean — casually collegiate; maybe an instructor or low-level assistant professor at a middling-quality state school. I could also see him reading beat poetry to a mostly empty coffeehouse on a weekday night. Nothing extreme about his haircut. And the man knows how to manage a beard: not for him or me either the nasty stubble of modern youth or a rat’s bed of an unreconstructed mountain man.
Really, what’s not to like about M. Ahmadinejad, President of the Islamic Republic of Iran? (Look! The Islamic Republic of Iran and The United States of America have precisely the same number of letters — we could be “Sister Nations” or some such liberal feel-good designation, except his country is governed by a “radical Islamist” [some say], while ours is run by a “complete moron” [I boldly assert]). Yes, you say, but isn’t Iran a member of the “Axis Of Evil”? So said Geo. W. Bush, son of G.H.W. Bush, and personal sock-puppet to Grand Imperial Inquisitor Richard B. Cheney. But we invaded, destroyed, looted, freed and democratized one of that dread trio (Iraq) and made a vague, incomplete, unverifiable deal with the mental cripple leader (son, himself, of another nut — we’re not, apparently, the only nation that can’t get its business off the treadmill of inbrededness) of the second (North Korea). No more axis.
--MORE--